Teaching Kids What “Be More Confident” Really Means: Turning Abstract Coaching into Action
Over the years, I’ve heard it all from the sidelines: “Be more aggressive!” “Get mad!” “Be more confident!”
Parents and coaches usually mean well when they shout those things. We want to light a fire, help our kids find that next gear, or push through a tough moment. But here’s the truth: most kids have no idea what any of that actually means!
When a child hears, “Be more confident,” they might think, Okay... but how?
When they hear, “Get mad!” they might think, You want me to yell? Swing harder? Stomp my feet?
We think we’re motivating them, but to a kid, we’re often just adding noise (unneeded noise at that).
Kids Need Clarity, Not Catchphrases
Telling a player to “be more aggressive” in baseball sounds clear to us as adults, but for a 9-year-old, it’s vague.
Instead, try breaking it down into simple, specific actions they can actually do, like:
“Swing at the first good pitch if it’s in the strike zone.”
“Take a step closer to the plate.”
“Keep your feet wide and drive through the ball.”
Now you’re giving them a picture of what “aggressive” looks like, and that’s something they can understand and practice.
It’s the same with “be more confident.” Instead of leaving them to guess, show them how to act confident:
“Take a deep breath before you go.”
“Look the pitcher in the eye.”
“Say to yourself, ‘I’ve got this!’”
These are teachable steps. Confidence grows when a child knows exactly what to do next.
Turning Emotion into Purpose
One time, I heard a parent yell, “Get mad!” after their child struck out. I understood the intent that they wanted their kid to dig deep, to care more. But most kids don’t have the emotional playbook to translate that phrase.
If we want them to “get mad,” what we really mean is, channel that energy into focus. Instead of yelling “Get mad,” we can teach them what that looks like:
“Use that frustration to lock in on the next pitch.”
“Tighten your stance and swing with intent.”
“Shake it off and get ready for the next play.”
Now the emotion becomes a tool, not a distraction.
The Power of Specific Praise and Feedback
Kids also benefit when we use the same approach with praise.
Instead of “Good job out there!” try “I loved how you hustled to back up first base” or “That was a great follow-through on your throw.”
Specific feedback helps them connect effort with outcome. It teaches them what success looks like, not just that they succeeded.
Parent and Coach as Teachers
Whether you’re a parent in the stands or a coach on the field, your words shape how kids learn. When we replace vague, emotional commands with clear, actionable directions, we’re not just teaching skills, we’re teaching understanding.
Kids don’t need to “be more” of anything. They need to know how to get there.
And when we take the time to show them step by step, we’re not just building better athletes, we’re building confident, resilient kids who can take on challenges long after the game ends.
Final Thought
Abstract words sound motivating, but they only stick when kids know what to do with them. So next time you feel the urge to yell “Be more confident!” or “Be aggressive!” pause and ask yourself, what does that actually look like?
Then teach that.
That’s when kids truly start to grow — not just in their sport, but in life!
